No two relationships are alike, but it pays to have some idea of how to tell if you’re dating the wrong person (for obvious reasons). Sometimes, even the most seemingly blissfully matched duo goes through a rough patch. But even the most romantically-inclined of us have to admit that there comes a time to take a closer look at your coupledom and figure out: Is this where I should be? Here are a few ideas on how to tell if you’re dating the wrong person (and consider whether or not it might be time to move on).
Ease of Interaction — Are you always anxious and uncomfortable? Do you feel like you’re hiding your true self, or being judged for every picadillo? There’s a big difference between butterflies and full-blown emotional tics. Every date shouldn’t have to come with a trigger or a warning.
Emotional Rollercoasters — No relationship exists in a kiss-cam freezeframe. You’re going to disagree with, and occasionally be disappointed by, your partner. That’s just life, and realistically, if you always agree on everything you’re bound to get bored. But if you spend more time crying, arguing, and finding ways to avoid your lover, they might not be as significant an other as you think.
You Don’t Feel Heard — Communication styles vary, so while your partner might be the stoic type, and you’re the sort to FaceTime from the grocery store because you’re not sure which grapes look better (side note: don’t be this person, just pick something), it doesn’t mean you’re doomed to fail. But when you routinely open up about things that are important to you, whatever they may be, and your boo is AWOL while sitting right across from you, it might be a sign that it’s time to move on.
Friendly Fire — Your friends and lovers don’t need to be on group chats planning every brunch together. But if they hands-down hate each other, there may be a problem. Personalities can clash, but if most of your friends can’t stomach the thought of getting drinks with you and your main, then you might want to consider their misgivings about your romantic choices. They may be seeing some toxic behaviors and red flags you’ve become love-blind to, and it can help you learn how to tell if you’re dating the wrong person.
No New Friends — While we’re on the topic of friends, if you hate their entire clique, it might be a sign that you’re not really a match. The people we surround ourselves with reflect different parts of our own personalities, so in those early days of courtship when everyone is on their best behavior, you might not see the reality of who you’re bedding down with. But you can’t ignore the fact that all your Sweet-Angel-Baby’s cohorts seem to violate your personal ethos in some capacity, whether it’s xenophobia or veganism, if it doesn’t sit well with you it’s good to remember that our partners keep these connections for a reason. Examine how you fit into this equation, and subtract yourself if need be.
You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling — And it’s gone. If most of the emotions and thoughts you connect with your partner are negative, and you’re more excited when they cancel on you or leave town, it’s time to tap out. You should have at least a little love for your lover, because suffering through another tense meal and lukewarm sex-session isn’t worth being able to claim being in a “relationship.”
When that little voice inside of you gets loud around your significant other, perhaps it’s time to look at more options, so here’s more on how to tell if you’re dating the wrong person:
Regina Bresler is a native Brooklynite who spends her days running feral through the internet, and her nights talking to strangers. She's covered entertainment + culture for Cosmopolitan, Death & Taxes, Heeb, and Flavorpill. Sneak a peek into her inner monologue via Instagram/Tumblr/Twitter: CloudsAndCandy